AMORIO…Our Love Story (The K’Dees)

Hello! Do you know that I’m married to my God-given gift? This is our love story.

Before I begin, allow me to start with this.

We naturally go through a process. It is the process that builds men. But in all, certain relationships should be maintained through the building process and certain relationships ought to end through the same process. This is the story of how The K’Dees met, grew in love and got married. It is told from my point of view and his point of view. This is not a fairytale but it is a life story with important lessons to learn.

Long post alert!

Sit back and relax because this is going to be a long ride down memory lane.

THE BRIDE’S STORY

About ten years ago, I got admitted into the University of Benin to study Educational Management. Just like every new student, I tried to blend in but there were some people I knew I should stay away from. It wasn’t because I hated them but because I did not like being in a competitive environment. I liked being a normal student. I did not want any pressure to aspire too high and I didn’t want to remain too low. I just liked being in the neutral position and because of that, I had very few friends.

I can not remember when I first met my husband. I’ve always noticed him in class and I tagged him as one of those scholars in class.  To him, friendship was based on what we had in common but to me, all I saw was someone to compare my excellent grades with and I wasn’t ready to start living that kind of competitive life. Everyone saw him as someone who wasn’t social. Or that was what I thought until one day, he walked up to Racheal and me and wished her a happy birthday. It was Racheal’s birthday and she did a small celebration in class. I was somehow compelled to give a speech about her and after that, Dee walked up to us and started a very awkward conversation.

Later on, in 200 level, we were paired up for a group assignment and guess who was appointed as my group leader…

Of course, it was my Dee.

Immediately after his appointment, at the end of our lectures, he called for a group meeting. He then gave each one of us an assignment based on our group work. I did my assignment on two long sheets of paper. My goal was to punish him with reading but God knew what he was doing.

After submitting my work, Dee appointed me and a few others as leaders of the group and he made us review every other person’s work. I felt like my evil intention came back to hit me. Although I had an appointment with a friend that day, Dee asked me if my appointment was more important than my grades.

Of course, it wasn’t. And that was how I made the better choice.

By the way, this was one of the reasons I was scared of talking to him in the first place. He took everything too seriously and he seemed like someone who needed to have a fun part of life. I returned home very angry that day but in the end, I got a better grade on that course because of that group work. Our real friendship began from then onwards.

Later on, in 300 level, it was his birthday (May 12) and I thought that the best gift for him was to prepare a plate of fried rice and turkey. For the record, that was the first time I was cooking fried rice on my own, without any assistance. It was very stressful and tiring for me. My cooking gas even got finished in the process. It was a miracle that the food got cooked before the cooking gas finally finished. Days later, on May 29th 2016, Dee asked me to be his girlfriend.

I told him I would think of it but sincerely, I didn’t. We were already close friends so I did not take him seriously. I went home, slept and forgot he asked me to be his girlfriend.

On June 12 2016, we were strolling towards hall four from the June 12 Shopping Complex and he asked again. I bluntly said yes, to avoid unnecessary long talks. And it began officially…

I didn’t love him until when I got to my final year at the university. It took me about a year to truly love him as a lover. I used to see him as a friend and nothing more. In that same year, I realised that he had already introduced me to his ‘scholar ministry’. I stopped having carryover courses in my 200 level. I can trace that new development to God first and then to Dee. He was like God’s human tool to bring out the best in me. He did a full-time follow-up on me. From my 200 level to 400 level in the university, I passed all my exams in one sitting.

Somebody, please shout, INFLUENCE!

Forgive my manners, please! Let’s continue. So, we graduated and it felt like the real war had begun. We started having a far-distance relationship because we were posted to different states during our National Youth Service. I must confess, it was hard! But we survived though.

Were there times when I felt like I should just give up and let him go?

Yes!

Were there times when I was confused and did not know what next to do about us?

Yes!

Did I get advances from other guys?

A big YES!

Was I attracted to some of those guys?

A mighty YES!

Why didn’t I end the relationship back then?

I was convinced that he was the one and I was committed to making us work.

It was during my service year that God told me the year I would get married and he also confirmed to me that my Dee would be the one for me. Although at that time he had nothing to his name, I stayed and I do not regret it.

How we scaled through all the issues we faced during our courtship amazed me each time. It wasn’t all smooth but I tried my best to remain committed and put in my best to make us work. And that process taught me patience. A journey that began on June 12, 2016, moved to the next level on April 7th, 2023.

It was seven solid years of growth, patience, sacrifice and understanding.

After everything, the K’Dees were born. I finally married the scholar. I guess God was watching me on a 7D screen when I was trying to keep my distance from him at the very beginning.

After going through this process, I got the inspiration to write my next novel, BRIDEZILLA. It will be released soon so anticipate!

THE GROOM’S STORY

I first met my wife at the University of Benin (UNIBEN), Faculty of Education, Social Hall. We were coursemates in 100 level. It was her friend’s birthday and she gave a speech. Her friend, Racheal,  was also my friend. After her speech,  I wondered how a lady with a small body size could speak with such boldness. We were just the “hi-hi” kind of friends. We didn’t have any other conversation apart from that.

At 200 level, I discovered that she was really intelligent and I love intelligent people with everything within me. I had other female friends but I felt her intelligence was top-notch. We were paired up for a group assignment and I got attracted to her intelligence and that was why I made her part of the collating team for that group work.  It was through that group work that we became real friends. She was so free and open. It was easy to be her friend. I noticed her wonderful character. We talked so much that our conversations became deep.

On one of those days, I told her about my spiritual experience and she quoted this,” …though a righteous man falls seven times, he shall rise again.”  She went on and explained that my failures will only remain failures if I remain on the ground and refuse to stand up. She took it personally to see that I flourished spiritually. During that period,  I received my first-ever gift in life. She gifted me a bible. I didn’t have a hard copy bible at that time. She also opened to Joshua 1:8 and read it to me; we read it together. Days later, she told me that she used the last cash on her to get me that bible. I marvelled at her sacrifice. We spent more time discussing through our calls.

At 300 level, on her birthday, I found out that she was in an abusive relationship (emotional abuse) and I encouraged her to come out of it. That same day, I took her to the June 12 Shopping Complex in our campus and bought her what I could afford; a roasted plantain also known as ‘bole’. She appreciated it so much. I was amazed at her sincerity and how little things matter to her.

Before I met her, it was hard for me to relate to people and I didn’t know how it felt to have a friend who liked me for who I am without any strings attached. As we grew deeper in our relationship, I could not accept her pure niceness. I thought she had an ulterior motive. Many times, I would ask her about it and she would say that she did it because I was her friend. I remember on my birthday, she cooked fried rice and turkey and took out time to wear a matching dress to mine. Her dress zipper got bad and I had to escort her home that day.

Her kind gestures created a spark in me. My friends instigated me and asked me to ask her out first because she is a girl and she won’t ask me out. They even convinced me that she liked me. Before then, during one of our phone calls, I asked her if she had feelings for me and she boldly said no, we were just friends.  I found it hard to believe her in those times.  I felt I had to follow the green lights she was giving and grab the opportunity to ask her out. I did not want my green light to turn into a red light. On May 29th 2016, in front of Nwangwu Hall, Faculty of Education, UNIBEN, I asked her out. She said she would think about it. We continued to keep in touch. We did not lose contact.

I remember how I almost made a drastic decision to join politics in school. She was the one who could see that I did not belong there. She managed to open my eyes and I realised my mistake. I remember her exact words. She said, ” You are running for the position of Director of Socials, yet you are not social.” Those words managed to open my eyes. I reevaluated myself and dropped that position. I decided to run for the position of the Director of Welfare. When she found out, she talked me out of it again. She explained to me what it means to manage the welfare of people and then she asked me a question.

“Why do you want to be the Director of Welfare?” I found it difficult to answer. I told her I wanted to join school politics so that I could be able to buy her expensive clothes, hair extensions, wigs and makeup accessories. I told her I wanted her to look like the other girls on campus who wear expensive things. She asked me another question, “Have I ever complained to you that I wanted all those stuff?”

I said, “No.”

She continued, “Then why do you pressure yourself to do things that I do not care about? Politics is not for you. Just focus on becoming the scholar that you are.”

Even with all that advice, I found it hard to let go. I guess it was my ego or something like that. Not long after, the position I was about to run for was appointed to students in Ekenhuan Campus and I was in Ugbowo Campus. That was how I finally let go.

On the 12th of June 2016, in the June 12 Shopping Complex, she gave me an answer and that was how we officially began dating (courting). We were intentional about ourselves. We set boundaries and tried our best to follow those boundaries. Every year, we celebrated June 12 as our relationship anniversary. And it still is a special day for us.

At 400 level, the weight of low self-esteem was lifted. I got to understand that I could be loved genuinely. She changed a lot in her final year. She started reading with me during night class even when it was not her usual routine. She loves reading during the day, in the library but I somehow knew how to cajole her to read at night too.

She made it a point of duty to see that I grew spiritually. She attended a campus fellowship, CASOR. They usually held camp meetings at the beginning of every session. She invited me to one of their camp meetings. It was tagged, “Hunger and Thirst”. In that meeting, I prayed so much that I almost lost my breath. I never knew I could fast for 24 hours and I prayed non-stop.

All through that time, she was very supportive. Whatever had to do with my growth, she would sacrifice for it and then our level of trust grew. I did not have much then but she accepted me the way I was. We went through seasons together. She never pressured me for anything. I would always marvel at how she could do it. With time, I realised that she wasn’t faking it and I was glad that she accepted me.

During our National Youth Service (NYSC), we were posted to different states. It was the farthest we’ve ever been from each other. It was also one of the hardest challenges we had to go through but I saw it as a necessary challenge.   We somehow survived and NYSC was over.  I loved the way she pushed me to do the necessary things, even when I didn’t want to.  We named my business together in September 2019. The business didn’t have a name and she gave it the name it has today, House of K’Dee. She brings the ‘K’ as in Kendra and I bring the ‘Dee’, as in Desmond.

In 2020, things started getting very serious as we started attending courtship classes and counselling together. We knew we were in for life. One thing that helped us bond was the fact that we made sure that there was proper communication. We talked about everything and whenever we had a quarrel or misunderstanding, we made sure that it was resolved that same day, even if it means that we had to reconcile at midnight. It was easy to forgive each other. We were never down at the same time. We complimented each other in every way. When I was down, she was up and strong, and vice versa.

In 2021, during the Winners Chapel Shiloh program, I wrote down the date for my wedding. I wrote down June 12, 2023, and prayed towards it. I believed that 2023 was my year to get a wife. On the 10th of October 2022, I took the bold step to ask her hand in marriage. Before then, I had asked many questions about how to plan an engagement party. I wanted it to be memorable for her. I got several suggestions. I even watched many YouTube videos on that subject matter. It was when I asked her sister, Precious, that I realised that she would not like something too public. She has a simple personality and she likes private, yet memorable things. So, I decided to do an indoor engagement celebration. A day before the engagement, I needed a reaffirmation that I wasn’t doing the wrong thing. I asked God and he told me to go ahead. I also talked to some of my trusted friends and they encouraged me to trust God and continue. As I knelt before her, I couldn’t control my tears. I felt so lucky to have her. The moment she said yes, I almost melted.

There are many things in this journey that we would love to share but it would probably turn this blog post into a book. In all, we sacrificed so much for each other that it became very normal for us. During the wedding planning process, we experienced several hurdles; financial hurdles, family hurdles, health challenges, etc. Despite it all, we pulled through.

We got to a point where we had to change plans just to accommodate our families and what they wanted. We changed our plans so much that we got tired and confused at a point. But our commitment kept us. It would have been easy for us to just end it all and escape much stress but we decided to pull through it all. I will not forget to add that we prayed even more during this process.

One thing I know is that if God’s hand is in it, he will perfect his work. Amidst all of that, I learnt to trust God and his process and I do not regret it. Today, I can hold her and call her my wife. Indeed, I’m favoured to have her.

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I hope you enjoyed our story. Anticipate my next novel, BRIDEZILLA.

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